so i know i have posted many times on here about my relationship frustrations. the other day, after being told to "fuck off" for being upset about something aaron did, i ended it. i almost backslid the day after, but maintained my strength.
i have started to see a pattern of abusiveness emerging. for a long time there were things that i thought we could work on, and behaviors that i thought he would work on if he agreed he had them, but i can't really ignore it anymore. i certainly have things that i consistently work on, having recognized them a long time ago. i expected that we could improve the areas that weren't functioning around our communication. and i was wrong. right now he's being very nice and helpful and sweet and asking what he can do around the house, and i've begun to phase out the things i have always done in the relationship for him/us around the house.
the day he threw the dog toy at me i spent the day in the kind of teary haze that out-of-the-blue incidents like this would cause when i was a kid.
and this last "fuck off" was it. done and done. please find someone else to throw things at and tell to fuck off. i will not have this in my home. i swore to myself every time some shitty thing happened to me when i was a kid, every mommie dearest moment my mother had, that i would never ever have these kinds of things happen when i was out of the house.
i don't think he will be moving out immediately, which might mean a financial disaster for me considering how little work there has been this year. but i have contingency plans i can implement.
and i won't just be fine. i will be unbelievably awesomely fantastic.
thanks to all who have said such supportive things to me over previous posts about this issue. it has meant very much to me and been very helpful. :)